What Not To Say To A Twin Mum
A guide. Apparently necessary. You're welcome.
"Double trouble!"
Original. Truly. Never heard that one before. Not the previous seventeen times today. Not once in the last three years. Please, do continue.
"Oh I always wanted twins, how lucky!"
Wonderful. Perhaps sit with that thought at 3am whilst expressing milk for the fourth time, alone, with a spreadsheet tracking every millilitre. Still feeling lucky? Marvellous. Do let me know how that goes.
"Twin pregnancies are so fashionable now"
Fashion. Yes. That's what this is.
"You must have your hands full!"
Astute observation. Genuinely. Both hands. Often both arms. Occasionally both arms and one knee. A practical offer of help would also be welcome, but thank you for the commentary.
"You don't look big enough to have had twins!"
Noted. My body grew two human beings at once, delivered them, and recovered from major surgery. But yes, do tell me more about what I look like.
"Are they natural?"
A stranger. In a supermarket. Asking about your fertility. Your medical history. Whether you used IVF. Whilst you are just trying to buy milk.
Perfectly normal behaviour. Carry on.
"Was it IVF?"
Still in the supermarket. Still none of your business.
"Do twins run in your family?"
See above. Still none of your business. Still in a supermarket.
"Are they identical?"
Sometimes a reasonable question. Less so when they are a boy and a girl. In which case: no. They are not identical. This is biology. It has not changed.
"Are they a boy and a girl? That's the perfect family — you must be so pleased you're done!"
Multiple assumptions in one sentence. Impressive efficiency.
"Are you upset you didn't have a boy/girl?"
No. I have two healthy children. That is everything.
Next question.
"Are they both yours?"
Yes.
They are both mine.
Both of them.
"Which one is the clever one?"
They are toddlers. Neither of them can reliably use a spoon yet. I’ll get back to you.
"Which one is the naughty one?"
See above. Also: please don't.
"Do they have their own language?"
Sometimes genuine curiosity. Sometimes said whilst peering at them as though they are a documentary. Either way — they are children, not a nature programme.
"I bet you wish you'd had them one at a time!"
No. Next.
"I could never do it — I can barely manage one!"
Helpful. Truly. Because I had a choice in the matter.
"Double the love though!"
Yes. Also double everything else. But thank you for the silver lining.
"Did you have a c-section?"
My birth experience is mine. It was traumatic. It is not small talk at a coffee morning.
"It gets worse before it gets better"
Saved this one for last because it deserves special recognition.
Said to a twin mum who is already in the depths of exhaustion. Already running on no sleep, no help, and whatever was left in the biscuit tin. Already wondering how she's going to get through the next hour — let alone the next week.
The timing. The delivery. The confidence.
Truly outstanding work.
And the touching.
Reaching into a pram to touch someone's babies without asking.
Touching a pregnant twin mum's bump without asking.
Stopping someone in the street to peer at their children as though they are an exhibit.
I shouldn’t need to say this. And yet. Here we are.
Please just don't.
What twin mums actually want to hear (if anything):
— "You are doing an incredible job"
— "Can I hold one so you can sit down for five minutes?"
— "I'm dropping food round. Don't argue."
— "I don't know how you do it — and I genuinely mean that"
— "How are YOU doing — honestly?"
Just that. Any of that. All of that.
Got one to add? Send it to me on Instagram or email hello@twinsprout.co.uk. I have a feeling the list is long. And if you've got a longer story to tell, share it here.
— Rebekah